Hello Dollie Bars

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http://stopfuckingposting.com/www.gbsfood.com/1539578/ Submitted by mofolotopo

A delicious reenactment of racial relations in American history.

For starters, we have America. In this reenactment, it will be symbolized by this baking dish. See the beautiful mountains, the mighty Mississippi River? No? Use a little imagination, for fuck’s sake.

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ACT I

For the first act, I shall reenact relations between the American government, represented here by a jar of coins, and the natives, as represented by these graham crackers. America’s natural resources are portrayed by a melted stick of butter.


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Uh oh! What’s this? The natives are in the way of America’s natural resources!


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Well, you know what to do, American government!

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After most of the natives have been crushed, set aside an area where the remaining tribes can reside.

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Crush that too.

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ACT II

Now that the natives are crushed, we are left with a large, mostly empty wilderness that we would like to transform into a great nation.

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That sounds like hard work, though. We’re not really into that, so we’re going to need some slaves. For our purposes, we'll be enslaving chocolate chips.

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Eventually they’ll gain their freedom in the legal sense, but there are still a bunch of nuts keeping them down. Walnuts, in this case.

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As time goes on, much of white America, as symbolized by the shredded coconut, begins to realize that their treatment of the other races has been less than stellar in the past. They desire a more integrative society, but the nuts are still keeping them from a true dialog with the other races.

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In the 1960s, the US government finally passed civil rights legislation that was meant to bring the races together. The part of the legislation will be played by a can of sweetened condensed milk.

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As you can see, the legislation was very difficult to apply equally in all areas, but it’s important that we try. When force is necessary to apply the legislation in some areas, it is important that it be firm enough so that the legislation is applied, but not so overbearing that the local white Americans rise up in protest. This is a sticky business, and requires finesse.

Now, in order to simulate the passage of time, we’re going to set the oven on 365 degrees (one degree for each day of the year), and allow 40 minutes (i.e., 40 years) to pass. What has become of race relations since the passage of civil rights legislation?

As you can see, the races are still mostly separate. White America has become slightly more brown, indicating the increasing cultural influence of the other races. The nuts are still there, and still standing in the way, but there are many points of contact where the races are fairly well integrated. And how is it, you ask?

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Delicious! Somehow the diverse races have come together to create a nation, and a snack, greater than the sum of its parts.

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