"What the fuck are dessert nachos?"
People laugh when I mention them. They do, by nature of their name, sound totally fucking absurd. Everyone knows that proper nachos involve melted cheese and sour cream and maybe ground beef and who knows what the fuck else, maybe some jalapeño peppers or something. That sounds like nachos to me, even though I hate jalapeño peppers. But dessert nachos? What the fuck are those?
Good question. If you'll quit the laughing, I'll show you, asshole.
First, you start with the following ingredients:
Not shown are the baking chocolate, since I forgot to line it up for the picture, and the granulated sugar, because it's very shy and I got sick of trying to coax it out of its container for the photo op. It came out later, though, so everything turned out fine. Well, except one thing, but I'll talk about that later and why patience is very important.
Here's the list of ingredients:
2 tablespoons granulated sugar 1/2 cup granulated sugar 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon 4 tablespoons butter 6 flour tortillas (8") 1 cup whipping cream 1/3 cup brown sugar (packed) 1 teaspoon vanilla 2 ounces chocolate (unsweetened) Powdered sugar
I cut everything in half to make 'em for myself, because let's face it, I may be a fat fuck, but this makes a LOT of nachos and there's no way I'd be able to put them away by myself if I tried. So, ingredients in hand, let's get started.
Making Dessert Nachos
Mix the cinnamon and two tablespoons of sugar together. Stir 'em up nice and thoroughly. If you like cinnamon a lot, feel free to use more. If you don't like cinnamon so much, use less. This part really doesn't matter; as long as you have plenty of sugar in there, you're fine.
Because you're going to melt the butter in a small saucepan, grab your basting brush, and do this:
Coat both sides of the tortilla lightly with butter. On one buttery side, coat it liberally with cinnamony sugar, like so:
Now it's time to turn 'em into chips. I use a pizza cutter, because it's easy and fast. I know I don't make equal, perfect triangles, so shut the fuck up and watch and don't make so many comments. I'm not perfect, and neither are you. Besides, who wants perfect tortilla chips anyway? Oh, what, you do? Well fuck you, then. I'm not doing this for you.
Yeah, that's good. Now you need to arrange them in a single layer on a nice new slick cookie sheet. Don't use an old one that's started to lose its nonstick coating, or you'll need to lather it up with something first. It also needs to be a big cookie sheet, or you'll probably need two of them. If you set down multiple layers, the top ones will cook too fast and the bottom ones will end up too soft.
Your oven should be preheated to 350 degrees by now. That's Fahrenheit for you foreign people who use Celsius while measuring things in decimeters or whatever. Slide the cookie sheet in and let the tortilla wedges cook. They should cook for eight to ten minutes depending on your oven. The goal here is for them to be golden-brown, slightly crisp, but slightly soft, too. Keep an eye on them, poke them with a knife when you need to. You'll probably fuck up and overcook the first batch, which I did the first time I made these. You won't fuck up the second one, so relax. Buy plenty of tortillas just in case.
Now it's time to make the chocolate sauce. Combine the whipping cream, the 1/2 cup of granulated sugar and the 1/3 cup of brown sugar in a small saucepan. Mix it thoroughly until it's a light brown color. Any lumps of brown sugar should be worked out.
Bring it to a boil over a medium heat. Leave it boiling over a medium heat, stirring frequently, for about five minutes until it's slightly thickened. While it's boiling, grab the chocolate and cut it into tiny bits. It'll need to melt quickly, so it needs to be cut up into tiny bits. I use this nice sturdy knife that I got when I used to work in the Produce department at a grocery store. It's sharp as hell and it does amazing things. It does a perfect job on the chocolate:
When the sauce is slightly thickened, remove it from the heat. Stir in the vanilla and the chocolate until you've got a nice dark brown sauce. Leave it to thicken for five to ten minutes. This is where I fucked up; the sauce wasn't thick enough when I stirred in the chocolate, so while my finished product tasted really great this time, the sauce was a little thin and looked like shit. It figures; I've made it perfectly every time except this one, and this time is the one I'm documenting with photographs. Go fucking figure.
Get the tortilla wedges out of the oven. Pile some on a plate. Drizzle the chocolate sauce over the top, sprinkle with powdered sugar. Spoon some vanilla ice cream out beside it.
Eat, and never laugh when you hear the words "dessert nachos" again.